


When the Weather Clears

by chooken



Category: Westlife
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Heartbreak, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-21
Updated: 2014-12-21
Packaged: 2018-03-02 15:39:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,888
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2817440
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chooken/pseuds/chooken
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After the birth of Shane's daughter, a distraught Nicky finds comfort with Kian</p>
            </blockquote>





	When the Weather Clears

It was a dark and stormy night. God, that sounded so fucking cliché, but it really was. Rain was pelting against the windows, rattling the glass, and the stars and moon were swamped to invisibility under the black clouds that had rolled in that afternoon and refused to shift. The wind howled angrily against the side of the house, and Kian sat in the near-darkness, staring into the fireplace, the phone sat in his lap.

He’d gotten two phone calls that day, both drastic opposites of each other in mood, but both almost completely unintelligible due to the amount of emotion on the other end.

One had been so happy: a new father elated at the birth of his little baby girl.

The second had been from Nicky.

The first call had come that morning, around midday. Shane’s daughter had been almost two hours old by that point and he’d wanted to share the excitement, had apparently been ringing around to every person he knew once he and Gillian and little Nicole (god, she even had a name… his goddaughter had a name!) had gotten settled, and Gillian had fallen asleep and Nicole had gone back to her incubator. She was ten days early, born by caesarean. No-one had seen it coming, hadn’t had a moment to prepare for it, even though it had been nine months in the making.

Especially Nicky. His call had come a little over twenty minutes ago, tearful and broken. He’d gotten the same call Kian had – an excited dad almost in tears over the birth of his daughter.

“I… I need…” Nicky had started, and Kian had understood completely.

“Come over.” He’d said, without hesitation. “I’ll be right here.”

There was a sudden knock at the door, one that Kian could almost have mistaken for the rattle of rain on the wood if he hadn’t been expecting it. He heaved himself up, putting the phone down on the couch, and crossed the floor. The boards were cold and flat under his feet. A shadow moved behind the distorted glass window built into the door, shifting awkwardly, hunched shoulders hanging low, a head sunken on a bowed neck. Kian pulled the door open.

Nicky looked back at him, eyes full of unshed tears and his hair dripping rain.

“He… he…” Nicky swallowed. Kian couldn’t tell if the moisture dripping from his lashes was tears or rain. “She’s beautiful, Ki. He’s so totally in love with her.”

“You’ve seen her?”

Nicky reached out into his pocket and pulled out his phone, which was still mercifully dry. Flipping it open, he scrolled through until he reached a picture, and handed it to Kian. Kian took it, looking at the photo. A beautiful baby girl, a crown of golden hair wisping over her tiny head. Her fingers were clenched, her features already undeniably Shane’s. The glass of the incubator glowed in front of her, and Kian could just see Shane’s delirious face reflected in it. Only just. He looked up at Nicky, heart beating faster.

“She’s beautiful.”

Nicky nodded. “I know. I can’t even hate her, she’s that beautiful.” He swallowed, and then his face crumpled slightly, and Kian had to reach out and catch him before he collapsed on the stoop. He could feel Nicky shivering, and the racking sobs that shook him. He pulled Nicky inside.

“Come on.”

They ended up on the floor in front of the fire, Kian helping Nicky to remove his soaking wet clothes and wrapping him in one of his robes. Nicky looked so small and fragile enveloped in the thick blue material that it made Kian’s heart hurt. He brushed Nicky’s wet hair back off his forehead.

“He… he sent it to me.” Nicky whispered. “I asked him who she looked like – god, I wanted it to look like her, as irrational as that sounds. I didn’t want her to be his, not any more than she had to be. Because he’s mine. He was… I don’t…” A droplet of water tumbled down his face, this one definitely a tear. “But she looks like him. Exactly like him. She’s so beautiful…” The last was almost inaudible beneath the tears now, Nicky seeming to shrink as Kian watched. He looked up, large hurt eyes boring into Kian’s. “I’m sorry. She’s your cousin, and I…”

“It’s okay.” Kian breathed, shifting closer and wrapping his arm around Nicky’s waist, the slimmer man falling into his embrace, dropping his head to Kian’s shoulder, trembling. Silently, Kian cursed Shane. How could the man be so fucking oblivious and stupid? “Anything you need.” He murmured, meaning it wholeheartedly.

“This isn’t fair.” Nicky croaked. “I loved him… I loved him so much. And he loved me and now… I… I still love him. I’ve never stopped… I can’t…” He was fast stumbling into inarticulacy, and Kian put a hand on the back of his head, pulling him into a proper hug, Nicky’s trembling becoming worse and worse as the seconds went by, fingers clutching at Kian’s back. Kian held him.

“I don’t want to hurt him.” Nicky sobbed. “She makes him so happy, and I want him to be happy. But I’m … I feel like I’m at the bottom of a pit…” He pulled back and looked at Kian, eyes red and wild. “He named her Nicole. He named her after me.”

“Did he say that?” Kian asked disbelievingly, but Nicky nodded.

“He said he wanted… he said he wanted a bit of me with him. He didn’t want us to be apart…” Nicky covered his face with his hands, crying into them. “How can he not see how much this is killing me?”

“Bastard.” Kian whispered, then swallowed when he realised he’d said that out loud. As if swallowing it could suck the word back away from Nicky’s ears and memory.

“He’s not.” Nicky whispered. “He’s just in love. Like me.”

Kian nodded, holding Nicky closer and stroking his shaking back with no idea of what to say. What could he say?

“Shane’s happy. Isn’t he?”

“I don’t know, Nix.” Kian said honestly. “He says so. I dunno.”

“He named her after me.” Nicky said again.

“I know.”

“Yeah.” Nicky sighed, pulling back and staring into the fireplace, his eyes sightless and blank, the flames flickering off his face in hellishly beautiful waves. Kian swallowed, watching him. “He loves me. He says he loves me. Wants me with him all the time.” He closed his eyes, and a tear tumbled with frightening clarity down his cheek, reflecting the orange glow in a hazy shimmer.

“You’re his best friend…” Kian attempted.

“I know.” Nicky sighed. His voice gurgled wetly in the back of his throat, building into a hoarse sob. “I know.” He croaked.

Kian patted his hand, trying to be encouraging. Nicky’s legs drew up to his chest, a hand trapped between them, as if holding in his own heart.

“It hurts.” Nicky sobbed, his face crumpling inwards in the moment before it was hidden by his knees. “How can anything hurt this much?” His voice was muffled. Kian tentatively stroked his back, feeling it heave. “I feel like all my insides have been ripped out and… I thought I was prepared for this. I thought I was okay. But she… she’s just so _real_ , Kian. I want her to be mine… She… she should have been ours.” Nicky swallowed harshly and drew into a tighter ball. “You think I’m stupid.”

“No…” Kian said. “Of course I don’t.”

“Why don’t you hate me? She’s your cousin.”

Kian didn’t know the answer to that. He tried to think of something… anything to explain why it was that he was here holding Nicky, instead of in the back garden, burying the pieces of his body. Maybe it was the desolate look in his eyes – maybe he knew Nicky had already been punished enough. But even that thought filled him with the most overwhelming feeling of sympathy that he didn’t want to think about it.

“I don’t know.” He admitted. “Maybe we’ve gone through too much together. Maybe I can’t hate you. Maybe…” He sighed. “I don’t know, Nicky.”

“Why doesn’t he want me?” Nicky whispered. “What’s she have that I don’t?”

Kian was about to say something very crude, but managed to rein himself in at the last minute. Instead he put his arm around Nicky’s shoulders, feeling them tremble. Nicky took a deep, shaking breath and turned to look at Kian, his eyes red and glistening with the tears that still remained in his eyes.

“He’s an idiot.” Kian said finally. “Anyone would be happy to have you.” In the back of his mind he knew that he was betraying his cousin by saying that, but she wasn’t here, was she? God, this was so complicated! But with Nicky here, broken, and her there, loved and with a new life in her arms, he supposed he was justified.

It was Shane’s balls he wanted to cut off.

“You can stay here.” He said softly, feeling Nicky heave suddenly in his arms, a sob wracking him. He cupped Nicky’s chin, brushing away a tear with his thumb. “Anything you want, just let me know.”

Nicky shook his head, pulling away. He stood. His legs trembled, eyes glancing confusedly around the room, the light of the fire muting pallid skin.

“Shane.” He whispered, reaching into his pocket and pulling out his phone again. “I want Shane. But…” He opened the phone, pressing buttons, then stood staring. Kian stood too, moving behind him, looking over his shoulder and trying to be there in case Nicky’s shaking legs gave way.

A picture of Nicky and Shane, their arms around each other. Friends to the outside world, but Kian remembered that picture… remembered taking it, remembered the looks he and Mark tried not to cast at each other less than an hour later when the wall separating their rooms was thumping loudly, battered by a rocking bed.

Nicky pressed a button.

Nicole.

Kian reached out, prying the phone from unresisting fingers. Nicky turned, burying his face in Kian’s shoulder, arms clinging to his waist.

Kian looked at the phone over Nicky’s shoulder. Shane’s face, smiling at his little girl, eyes reflecting nothing but love for her. All the love he possessed, directed at one little person.

He pressed a button. A picture of Mark. A picture of Nicky’s mam. A picture of Nicky’s dog. The pier near Nicky’s house. Nicky pulling a face. Another one of the dog. A picture of Nicky and Kian.

“Oh, Nix.” Kian whispered, kissing his friend’s hair, looking at the way his arm captured Nicky’s waist, the protective gaze he’d never noticed in his own eyes. The way Nicky smiled at him… the way he smiled at Nicky…

“She’s so perfect.” Nicky whispered. “She must be his.”

Kian nodded. “It’ll be okay, Nix.”

“How?” Nicky asked quietly. “How can it possibly?”

Kian shrugged. He didn’t really know.

“Stay as long as you need.” He stroked Nicky’s wet hair away from his face, feeling a new tear drip over his hand. “You’ll always have a place here.”

Closing the phone, he slipped it back into Nicky’s back pocket, feeling the trembling figure in his arms.

There’d be time for that later.

Outside, the storm raged on.


End file.
